Hello! Well my hand/wrist feels a little bit better. It seems like if I don't do much with it, it starts feeling better. However, I have 2 kids and an apartment to take care of, not to mention myself and school lol. So I think it will get bad again, but oh well! I'll deal with that like I deal with everything else:-)
Things have been a little bit better for me the last few days. After our HUGE fight last Friday, things were REALLY bad between Chad and I. However, when I talked to him on Mon or Tues? he apologized to me. Like sincerely did. He said he was going to try to be more understanding of what I'M going through in this whole situation and he also said he's going to try and watch what he says and think about how it's going to make me feel if he says it. He tends to say things to rub him and her in my face. And it REALLY gets to me (obviously).
Yesterday, he came to get the girls and forgot to text me when he was on the way, so instead of me just sending them out there, like originally planned, he came inside. I was scared of course. It seems like ever time I see him, I snap. But he gave the girls a hug and I was gathering Peyton's diaper bag up and he came and gave me a big hug and asked me if I was ok. He held me there for like a min. It hurt. A lot. But it felt good too. I told him I was alright for now, which is true. I just don't care anymore. I DO obviously, but I just can't. Its too draining. He doesn't care about "us" so why should I? I will ALWAYS love him and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever get past this. But I AM trying to.
I have also gotten a little good news this past week! I'm pretty sure I mentioned that he was our only income, I can't get a job until I get help with daycare (he won't pay for it), and I'm in school. I tried to apply for TANF-temporary assistance for needy families-but I got denied. I was on it once before before Chad and I got married and apparently I got sanctioned from getting it again. BUT this past week, I found out all I need to do is go to an IMPACT orientation and I will be unsanctioned!! So I'm waiting on the invite from them so I can go. I will get that, which will automatically give me free daycare, and I will start looking for a job. Unfortunately, right now, I can't work full time due to school. BUT I will do whatever I need to, to survive. Between child support, spousal support-IF I can get it-, and a part time job, I should be alright:-) I have paid on rent through November with my school loans so that's out of the way for a bit. But this is seriously amazing news for me! Please, if you're reading this, and have something mean to say, just DON'T say it! I am doing what I NEED to, to be able to get back on my feet. I was a single mom before with my oldest daughter and I worked 50+ hrs a week to provide for her and I with NO help from her "dad" whom she doesn't see anyways. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure everything's alright for these kids. BUT I will NOT give up school. He's taken EVERYTHING from me...including the fact that I now have to share my kids-which I never have before. We did things as a family. Now, we can't. So he's taken everything, I will NOT let him take me being able to get a good degree and a career! I have over a year put into this. I won't give it up.
So this week has been good. I just hope it stays that way. I don't think I can handle anymore crap lol. Today is Annabelle's picture day at school! I'm excited. I LOVE comparing her pictures from each year and see how much she's grown. She changes SO MUCH every year! She's not my baby anymore:-(
Alright, I'm done for today. Thanks for reading, if you are. I have a whole ONE follower (love you Ash!!) but I can see more people have read this so THANK YOU! :-) Hopefully I can build this into a good, fun to read, blog.
Just getting on here really quick to say I'll write in a couple of days....I messed up my wrist and it's hard to type lol. But I WILL be back:-)
Alright. Let me see if I can continue my sob story now...So yeah. They moved in together. Since then, it's been fight after fight with him and I. He threatens, I threaten and it's one huge circle....it's ridiculous. Plus, he was our ONLY income. He left me with the apartment, kids, and all the bills and NO income at all. And is STILL trying to screw me out of money. I mean, I know I'm going to go get child support and whatever else I can get from him but still ugh. They have a $4,000/month income and I have nothing. On top of all of that, he's being a TOTAL a$$ to me. I have been SO depressed that I think I'm going to get into counseling or something. I need something to help me through!! I'm in school and do NOT need to screw this all up.
Today was an ok day until I talked to him this evening about the kids. Then, once again, all hell broke loose. I'm just SOOO sick of it all! I just want this part of the separation/divorce to be OVER with! It's killing me and the girls. They miss him SO much. They've seen him like once a week and that's it. He calls every day for like a minute but that's it. It's NOT enough. But I won't let the kids around HER. I don't think they need that right now.
So yeah, this is my "new life" and it sucks! Hopefully I can come on here and vent every day. I don't know if anyone will read this other than my ONE follower, miss Ashley (ILY!!!!) lol but at least I'll feel better typing it! I'm sure every day there will be something new for me to b*tch about haha. Hopefully my one follower won't get too tired of hearing about it! And hopefully my days will improve.
At least I have my girls. They are my whole life. I will do ANYTHING for them. And I will do ANYTHING to make sure they have EVERYTHING they need/and possibly want too! That's my whole goal in life is them:-) With that, I'll post a pic of them!
Them at Steak N Shake:-)
Alright. This is yet the third blog that I have started. My first one, I kind of just never wrote on. My 2nd one, was all of 12 blogs and was about my life as a mommy and a wife. Well that last part, is no longer. Or will be no longer anyways. I have been married since April 28, 2009. We have been together since March 10, 2008. We had a baby on February 7, 2009 and he has taken on my oldest daughter as well. We were separated at the end of 2009 due to him lying and us fighting ALLLLL the time! I kicked him out and we were separated for about 3 months or so. He started dating someone right away and was planning on moving in with her. I was sort of dating someone as well. We weren't "official" but we knew we were talking and weren't talking to anyone else. Well towards the end of that 3 months, I freaked out and just HAD to get Chad back. We ended up back together and, so I thought, had been doing better than ever. He seemed happy and I put on a front. But now, looking back, I knew I had been in a depression because I noticed things changing and I didn't WANT to see it at all. So I sat there. Literally. I took care of the kids, him and sort of the apartment but not really. I wasnt' taking care of myself or anything. I was depressed.
August 15, 2011 came and Chad woke up in a HORRIBLE mood. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. We had Annabelle's meet and greet at school that day so I just let it go. It was his ONLY day off for over a week, so I wanted it to be a good day. I might add here that he works from 5pm-5am and I had him quit smoking because I HATED it. That's one of the things he always lied about. Smoking. Well I found out before we left that he was doing it again after he told me he quit. I know I know I shouldn't have tried to change him but I didn't bother him with ANYTHING else other than his driving (because of the girls mostly). I let him do whatever he wanted. But I guess that just didn't matter. We got into a HUGE fight when we got home and I told him to leave. I called him and told him to come back but when he did, it wasn't what I wanted at all. He told me that he had been thinking about this for a long time and he didn't want to be with me anymore. He completely crushed me.
The next day, Chad told me that he didn't love me anymore. Out of NOWHERE. Now, mind you, I have texts from him just 4 days before all of that crap that tells me how much he loves me and how much he would miss me that week when he worked allll week. He said he was putting on a front. Well I found out why about 4-5 days later. He had been having an affair with some whore at work. He "claims" he had only been talking to her since the week before he left but he started staying with her the week after he left and moved into an apt with her 2 weeks after he left. And she has a 18 month old daughter. Soooo she just moved in a guy who she's been seeing for a whole 2 weeks in with her daughter?! I really doubt that!!!! UGH! Ok this is pissing me off as I type it, so I'm going to end it now. SO much more has happened since then. I'll write more tomorrow.....
