Things have been a little bit better for me the last few days. After our HUGE fight last Friday, things were REALLY bad between Chad and I. However, when I talked to him on Mon or Tues? he apologized to me. Like sincerely did. He said he was going to try to be more understanding of what I'M going through in this whole situation and he also said he's going to try and watch what he says and think about how it's going to make me feel if he says it. He tends to say things to rub him and her in my face. And it REALLY gets to me (obviously).
Yesterday, he came to get the girls and forgot to text me when he was on the way, so instead of me just sending them out there, like originally planned, he came inside. I was scared of course. It seems like ever time I see him, I snap. But he gave the girls a hug and I was gathering Peyton's diaper bag up and he came and gave me a big hug and asked me if I was ok. He held me there for like a min. It hurt. A lot. But it felt good too. I told him I was alright for now, which is true. I just don't care anymore. I DO obviously, but I just can't. Its too draining. He doesn't care about "us" so why should I? I will ALWAYS love him and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever get past this. But I AM trying to.
I have also gotten a little good news this past week! I'm pretty sure I mentioned that he was our only income, I can't get a job until I get help with daycare (he won't pay for it), and I'm in school. I tried to apply for TANF-temporary assistance for needy families-but I got denied. I was on it once before before Chad and I got married and apparently I got sanctioned from getting it again. BUT this past week, I found out all I need to do is go to an IMPACT orientation and I will be unsanctioned!! So I'm waiting on the invite from them so I can go. I will get that, which will automatically give me free daycare, and I will start looking for a job. Unfortunately, right now, I can't work full time due to school. BUT I will do whatever I need to, to survive. Between child support, spousal support-IF I can get it-, and a part time job, I should be alright:-) I have paid on rent through November with my school loans so that's out of the way for a bit. But this is seriously amazing news for me! Please, if you're reading this, and have something mean to say, just DON'T say it! I am doing what I NEED to, to be able to get back on my feet. I was a single mom before with my oldest daughter and I worked 50+ hrs a week to provide for her and I with NO help from her "dad" whom she doesn't see anyways. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure everything's alright for these kids. BUT I will NOT give up school. He's taken EVERYTHING from me...including the fact that I now have to share my kids-which I never have before. We did things as a family. Now, we can't. So he's taken everything, I will NOT let him take me being able to get a good degree and a career! I have over a year put into this. I won't give it up.
So this week has been good. I just hope it stays that way. I don't think I can handle anymore crap lol. Today is Annabelle's picture day at school! I'm excited. I LOVE comparing her pictures from each year and see how much she's grown. She changes SO MUCH every year! She's not my baby anymore:-(
Alright, I'm done for today. Thanks for reading, if you are. I have a whole ONE follower (love you Ash!!) but I can see more people have read this so THANK YOU! :-) Hopefully I can build this into a good, fun to read, blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment