New chapter in my life

Well, I found a job FINALLY! I have been volunteering at a nursing home here for the last 2 weeks. On my 2nd day there, the director of Nursing offered me a position there!! I really really like it there. It is REALLY clean (and you know a LOT of nursing homes aren't that clean), the people are all really nice, and I get to help out in the activities department when they need help too! (that's the dept I'm volunteering in right now) They want me to get my chauffeurs license too so I can help drive to apts as well! I am really excited about this!! It's only part time for now, but I really can't DO full time with school too. I mean I guess I CAN but I won't ever see my kids. Lets just hope this goes alright! It's on the weekends too, so I'm hoping I can find sitters when I need them!! I'm kinda hoping they need extra help right now, with Christmas right around the corner too. I have NOTHING bought for them or anyone yet and I'm kinda freaking out that I don't. *sigh* BUT at least I have a JOB now! I haven't worked in 3 years. I have been a SAHM (stay at home mom) for those 3 years now and It's been wonderful and I'll miss it, BUT I am also really excited to get back to work! Plus the residents there are awesome. I have gotten to know a few of them and I'm falling in love! I am hoping this is the start of GOOD things to come!

Thing with the soon to be ex are alright for now. We had a little spat last night, but we resolved it without it getting too bad. I'm just really stressed and taking it out on him. Plus, since I'll be working and needing Chad's help whenever I can get it, I have to meet the ...gulp blech....girlfriend ugh. And I mean "officially" meet her. Like sit down and have a conversation with her. I just don't know how I'm going to do this!! I wanted to wait a YEAR for the girls to meet her and now, I have to do it before the holidays UUGHHHH!! I'm going to be a wreck. I told Chad he wasn't allowed to be there because he instigates things a LOT. So that should help a little. The thing is, she seems like a really sweet person. And that just makes it THAT MUCH harder! I WANT to HATE her SO badly. But how can I if I actually LIKE her?? UGH! This is going to SUCK! I have already had a breakdown about it the other day. I'm reading a book called "One Call Away" and a lot of her story so far, mimics my life. And it makes me cry. A lot.

Oh well. I guess I'll just continue taking things one day at a time and see how it goes! I have orientation on Friday:)



Sinking back................

So, as of lately, I have been doing really well with this whole new life of mine. Until last week. I dunno why.....I feel like I'm sinking back into the depression that I started everything with. And it sucks. All I want to do is sleep. I only eat when I figure out my stomach's rumbling, and I have NO energy to work out. Which sucks majorly because it has been going SO WELL! ugh. I hate this!! And I have NO idea WHY I'm feeling like this!!! Maybe because the holidays are coming up? I dunno. All I know is I need to get OUT of this before it ruins me. I just have no idea HOW to do that.......................



Wish things would get easier.....

Well I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd update today. I have been doing pretty well emotionally:-) Which makes me REALLY happy! Chad and I have been getting along better and the sting is getting less and less. I just wish things would fall into place financially....Finding a job is nearly impossible anymore! If I could just get a job, things would be SO MUCH BETTER!!!

I have been working out almost every day for almost 2 weeks.  I did take 2 days off but I'm back at it now! I lost 2 1/4" from my waist and 1 1/2" from my hips in ONE week! I'm down 18 lbs as well now. I am super happy about it!!

School is going alright. I'm slowly bringing my grades back up but it's still a rough semester. I hope things get easier for me from here on out! I am thinking of switching majors from Nursing to Medical Assistant. I think it would be easier on me and the girls if I made this switch! We'll see.

Well I don't have much else to say today. Just thought I'd update!! I'll leave you with pics from weeks 1 and 2 so you can see the difference!

Week 1

Week 2

A little better....

Hello! I'm bored so I thought I'd write. Things are going a little better....for now. I'm getting things done about getting money and a job. My daycare vouchers should be coming through very very soon!!! As soon as that happens, JOB here I come!

I'm starting to have a little anxiety about Christmas. Chad's family has like 4 different parts to it. On Christmas eve, we go to his moms side (his moms house then his grandmas), then Christmas morning, we do Santa, get ready, and go to MY side of the family for about 2-3 hours. Then we go to his dads, then his step dads side of the family. So if I let him take them to his family things, I will only get my kids for like 4 hours on Christmas. I'm FREAKING out. I CANNOT be without my kids on Christmas!!!! I just may have to tell to go EFF himself and go with them just to be with the girls. I mean, the family doesn't mind at all because they love me so I think it'll be alright. We'll see how I do closer to the time. I get them Halloween and Thanksgiving because he works both days (yay!) Ok so that's selfish of me to say yay but I can't help it. I am a VERY big family oriented person and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the holidays. I love dressing the girls up and going to see all the family. And I've been doing this for almost 4 years now. Its hectic and crazy but I don't care. It's the best part of the holidays-being with family. So like I said, we'll see how it goes but I think he may have to suck it up and let me come. Besides, the whore isn't allowed to come so I think it'll be alright.

I don't know if I blogged about this yet, but I started an account on My Fitness Pal. According to them, I have lost about 15lbs since August. YAY! My name on there is Bria428. I've been tracking what I've been eating and doing. And a friend of mine is sending me a workout dvd and it should be here any day. I'm tooooo excited! Skinny-here I come! LOL!!!! Alright, I'm tired of writing haha. I'll ttyl:-)



One more for the day...my ABCs

a. age: 28
b. bed size: California King
c. chore that you hate: the laundry....but ONLY the folding and putting away part
d. dogs: Nope
e. essential start to your day: Smiles, hugs, and kisses from my girls
f. favorite color: purple
g. gold or silver: silver or white gold
h. height: 5'5 1/2"
i. instruments you play: the cd player haha
j. job title: SAHM and student for now
k. kids: Annabelle Christine and Peyton Kaleigh
l. live: Indiana
m. mother's name: Goerke
n. nicknames: Bri, B, Bri-butt, Bri Bri
o. overnight hospital stays: giving birth...twice:-)
p. Pet peeve: Smoking, liars, bad drivers...ok I have a LOT
q. quote from a movie: "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best!" and "everything happens for a reason."
r. right or left handed: right
s. siblings: Bj, Jessica, Jason
u. underwear: right now? zebra striped ones haha
v. vegetable you hate: Peppers, tomatoes, onions, squash....
x. x-Rays you've had: wrist, chest, ankle, teeth...
y. Yummy food that you make: taco soup.
z. zoo animal: elephants!



Losing weight

My friend over at Lovely Little Adventure....I don't know how to tag other blogs in my blog yet lol.....made a blog about losing weight. She started a My fitness pal account and it encouraged me to do the same.

Before August, I wouldn't be surprised if I weighed around 310lbs. I started dieting Aug 1st and as of right now, I'm down to 290.2lbs. If I was right about the 310 mark, Ive lost about 20lbs since August 1st, if it was a little less, I've still lost between 10-20lbs:-) And it just keeps coming off! Hey works for me!

Anyways, I started a my fitness pal account too. My name is Bria428. I'll also keep it updated on here when I check in there!



*sigh*

So these past few days have been rough. He and I got into ANOTHER big fight, only this time, I didn't start it and there was NO reason for it at all. PLUS he won't give me any money now. So I have NO idea what I'm going to do. (sn-he just told me that he paid the landlord $125 and paid the water bill, is buying the baby diapers and toothpaste, and gave me $20-so at least that's SOMETHING) I mean I have plans that have been set into motion, but I can only go as fast as the state goes. I'm honestly afraid I'm going to have to quit school. Or at least drop this semester. I just don't WANT to. But I can't concentrate AT ALL. My grades have slipped horribly and it's just NOT happening for me this semester. I'm also afraid I'm going to have to change majors:-( I want to be a nurse SO badly but you HAVE to get an A in Anatomy and Physiology and right now, I'm NOT getting an A. Plus, you can only take it twice ever and I already dropped it in the spring due to accidentally signing up for an 8 week semester....whoops! And I guess that counted as 1 time:-( We'll see how it goes but I just may need to do it.

The other problem is I NEED a job. Christmas is coming up soon and I need to pay rent as of December 1st. I have it paid through November due to financial aid and loans but couldn't pay Dec/Jan because of having to pay the late rent and fees. So I paid $3000 for rent from July-November and he paid $125. Fair? I think NOT. Especially after all hes done to me.

Oh well. Things emotionally are getting better at least. I KNOW that I deserve WAY better than that and I know someday, I'll find it. It's just REALLY hard because I still love him, even though I don't WANT to. I'm sure with time, that will go away mostly, but he IS the father of my child(ren....hopefully he'll still adopt her) and I will always love him in a way.

I went to his cousin's wedding last night (he did NOT go) with the girls, and we had a BLAST! She looked AMAZINGLY beautiful!! I am So happy for them! And I made it through the wedding, only crying once! I'm pretty proud of myself haha!!

Alright, Well I'll leave you with a couple of pics from last night:-)

 Annabelle and I

Trying to keep Peyton quiet in church 

Peyton and mommy 



The happy couple:-) 

Me at the wedding 



Me again:-) 

She loves her mommy! 

Miss Annabelle:-)

Thanks for reading everyone!!